What were your expectations before your big, festive event? Did you foresee endless bliss and nights spent seated under moonlit skies gazing at the starry heavens?
Maybe you also pictured a little one; you and your mate on either side with little Johnny, or Jane, snugged between two adults with endless, unconditional love for each other.
It happens; people do enter marriages with unrealistic expectations.
The aforementioned scenarios aren’t impossible; many couples experience moments of intense, bone-thrilling joy.
Diametrically opposed, many couples fail to anticipate the “tribulation” they’d experience in the flesh once they enunciate, “I DO.”
Once these unpleasant moments climb out of the pit and take residence in your once happy home, you could throw in the towels and give up the nuptial ride. There are a plethora of reasons why marriages fail; we know these common family problems all too well.
In lieu of an exhaustive list of why your marriage didn’t work out or could fail, it’s more relevant to talk about the foremost reason why marriages succeed today.
The simple answer might be baffling.
Why Marriages Succeed – A Look At Selfishness
Selfishness. That’s what the world promotes. We all have a touch of selfishness lying dormant, or it’s as active as crooked politicians rushing ahead to win votes.
If you’re tainted by selfishness, there’s this unhealthy, nauseating desire to elevate your personal agenda above everything else, even what’s best for your relationship.
It’s this self-seeking attitude that has caused so many parents to abandon their kids, because they’re more concerned about how they’re affected, instead of what will become of the child.
When a selfish attitude is brought to the fore in marriages, you’re more inclined to focus on how you feel, and the mental distress family problems impose on you, not the family as a unit.
That’s perfectly normal.
There’s blood rushing through your veins, and when you’re cut, you bleed.
You’ll always think about how you’re affected by marital problems, but have you ever considered how your mate feels about the situation, and how they’re affected by your actions?
See, selfishness thinks about “self”, so even when you’re the perpetrator, “self” doesn’t allow you to put things in hindsight or own up to situations where you’ve done wrong.
It’s easy to cultivate selfishness; we (you) were bred that way.
But, it’s excruciatingly difficult to cultivate this single necessary quality you need to make your marriage succeed.
Why Do Marriages Succeed? Love
Tina Turner mentioned that love has nothing to do with it and Leonard Cohen felt love, was perhaps, broken and cold.
These sentiments are easy to pick up and run with, perhaps given the brutal, callous love affairs you’ve experienced in your lifetime. But, until you’ve grasped, in full, what ‘true love’ is, it can help you withstand the greatest storms in your marriage.
No, this love isn’t flaunted throughout fairy tale movies, and you won’t find it skipping the pages of hot, steamy romance novels; maybe at a bookstore, but you get where this is going.
Love is beautiful, and the love you’re expected to have for your mate is a rare gem; precious corals that need nurturing and attention.
This love is able to push your marriage above it all for true success and happiness. The quote to follow shows what love is, and by extension, how it can be cultivated for your mate.
“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous. It does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.” – (1 Corinthians 13: 4 – 8) NWT Holy Scriptures
In conclusion, don’t elevate your affairs above your marriage. Selfishness is not a trait to rock in your bosom. Love, however, should be embraced with all sincerity. Not love of self, but love for your Creator, mate, and marriage. If you and your spouse find true meaning in the aforementioned quote, and treat each other accordingly, how beautiful will your union be.